Looking back at Alayna’s birth {adoption}

I got a text from Lauren at 8:35 am on April 27th saying, “So contractions started at about ten last night and haven’t stopped!”  I called her and told her we needed to head to the hospital.  She was worried they would send her home and I called my nurse friends Tiffany and Dani to get their opinion.  They both said it was VERY unlikely they would send her home and to get there right away.  We got there just after 11 am and were praying that they would let her stay.  Luckily she was dialated to a 4 and they admitted her.  She hasn’t eaten that morning and snuck a granola bar before the nurse came in.  Tara and Claire came down with me.  They stayed with Lauren as I took Matt downstairs to the cafeteria to get some lunch.  He told me that if it was anyone but Josh and I he would have fought Lauren about placing the baby for adoption.  I told him how much we loved him and want the best for him.  We went back upstairs and Tara and Claire left and went and got food and cleaned my car.  Mandy and Aaron came with gifts of chocolate, flowers and a card.  Lauren may or may not have snuck a chocolate 😀  How can you say no to that face?!

The contractions started to get more painful and she got her epideral around 3 pm and Josh came just after that.  Her mom, dad, niece and nephew also came to visit.  I wanted everything to be perfect for Lauren and just how she wanted it to be.  I had brought some message oil and messaged her hand and she fell asleep for about twenty minutes.  I got her some flavored ice-first lime and then blueberry.  The blueberry turned her lips and teeth bright blue.  At 5:55 Matt came out after checking Lauren and said she was ready to start pushing!  I couldn’t believe it!  I was in shock.  We had talked about me waiting in the hall and coming in as soon as Alayna was born to get pictures, but the hospital wouldn’t let me stay in the hall, so Lauren said to just stay in the room.  I said I could just put my nose in a corner and she said she that I could stay by her head.  I ran into the room, got her a wet washcloth and had her start scrubbing the blue dye from the flavored ice off of her teeth and lips as I brushed her hair and put on some make up for her.  We were planning on curling her hair and doing her make up, but Alayna decided she wanted to come a little sooner than we expected, which was just fine.  Lauren was shaking really bad and I told her it was totally normal and I did it too. It was ok to be scared, because it is a scary thing!   At 6:00 they gave her oxygen.  At 6:09 she started pushing.  The nurse told Matt to hold one of her legs and Lauren to hold the other.  I held her hand and held her head to her chin as she pushed.  She squeezed my hand really hard with each push and sometimes I would catch myself squeezing back and had to think about it to not squeeze.  It was so amazing to be there with her and such a sacred and humbling experience.  I was watching this sweet girl, who had become one of my best friends, doing something for me that I could not do for myself.  I wanted to change places with her to take all of her pain, all of her suffering.  I didn’t want her to go through any more pain than she needed to.  Lauren did amazing.  She pushed her out in about 40 minutes.

At 6:55 Alayna Lauren made her entrance into the world.  When she cried for the first time and we saw her we both burst into tears.  I was trying to take pictures of Lauren seeing her while trying to see through my tears and not shake uncontrollably.  They cleaned up Alayna next to Lauren and she got to see her.  Then they took her to clean her off more, put cream on her eyes and gave her a shot.  She cried for a bit, then would be silent. It scared me because I thought she wasn’t breathing.  She was, she was just a good baby!  Lauren’s midwife, Dede said that babies that come out screaming and scream for 20 minutes usually have colic.  Dede was right because she has been such a sweet, calm baby.

I took some pictures of the nurses with Alayna and when they had wrapped her up about 7:05 they asked me if I wanted to hold her.  I said, “No, Lauren needs to be first.”  They were still stitching up  Lauren so they had Matt hold her and bring her to Lauren.  They both looked at Alayna with such love and shock that she was finally here!  At 7:17 Matt asked if I wanted to hold her.  I did for a minute while they continued to stitch Lauren up and stood by her bed so Lauren could see her.  I gave her to Lauren so she could hold her again.  We brought in Josh and her parents at 8:00 after Lauren was mostly cleaned up.  They all got to hold Alayna and I took their pictures.  Then Eric and Carrie came in.  The nurses still needed to clean Lauren up some more and take her to post partum, so we all went out again until she was ready.  They wheeled her up to post partum about 8:20 and more family came to meet Alayna.  Aaron, Mandy, Mysty, Dallin, Carrie and her son, Madisson and her mom Liz, and Lauren’s parents were all in the room.  Mandy had brought pizza, which I couldn’t eat.  My stomach wouldn’t let me eat for the next few days without it hurting.

Lauren wanted Josh and I to do Alayna’s first bath.  They took her away for until about 10:20 in the nursery to do testing and when they brought her back Lauren tried to feed her her first bottle.  Alayna was having a hard time with it so they decided to do the bath and try again.  The nurse came and explained how they do the bath and I was worried I couldn’t do it fast enough or good enough and didn’t want her to get cold and lose her body temperature, so I asked the nurse to do it instead.  I asked Lauren’s dad to hand Alayna over to the nurse and took pictures of her first bath.  They got her dressed in a cute pink outfit and I took a few pictures of Lauren with her before we headed out.  I didn’t go to bed that night until about 4:30 in the morning.

Looking back at that day almost six months later I am beyond grateful I was there to witness her birth.  It was one of the most spiritual experiences I have had in my life and I am so honored that Lauren wanted me there with her-I can’t imagine what she was going through and I never really will.  I am SOOOO grateful that she allowed me to take pictures of the birth.  I knew it would be hard for both of us because of the situation, but we are both BEYOND grateful for these pictures.  I want to show Alayna how loved she was from the moment she was born.  You can really just SEE all the love everyone had for her that day.  I haven’t watched this video since the week after placement.  I watched it today so I could write about what my thoughts are now.

To be honest, it is really hard to watch.  It is just such a scared experience to me that I have a hard time putting the right words with it.  It brings back such a range of emotions all at once.  I love looking at the pictures of my boys meeting her for the first time.  They were in such reverent awe of her.  I love looking at pictures of Matt and Lauren looking at Alayna and at each other with such love in their eyes.  I hope when Alayna sees this one day, she just can see how truly loved she is by so many.

Baby Alayna’s Photo Birth Story from Davey Orgill on Vimeo.

 

Read more:

Building a Relationship {adoption}

Learning Through Trials {adoption}

Family Ties {adoption}

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