![\"\"](\"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/dsc_6238-editsm.jpg\" "\\"dsc_6238-editsm\\"")
<\/p>\nOur first week home was a roller coaster of emotions. \u00a0We had the most perfect little girl to take care of and love and snuggle all day–and that little girl just happened to look like her birth mom’s twin. \u00a0It was hard to not think of Lauren every time I looked at Alayna for quite some time and not feel guilt over the pain that Lauren must be going through. \u00a0Alayna was such a good little newborn. \u00a0She slept so much at first we would have to set alarms to wake her up to eat. \u00a0She would do these cute little faces where she would push her lips out like “Magnum” or “Blue Steel” and we would all laugh. \u00a0Her jaundice was pretty high, so she looked really tan–the one thing that did not look like Lauren to me, haha. \u00a0The boys were so in love with her. \u00a0They would love to wake up in the morning and tell her good morning and talk to her (they still do-but now they fight over who goes first, who is taking too long, and I love it).<\/p>\n
I worried about Lauren a lot that week. \u00a0We texted a lot, I sent her lots of pictures everyday and updates about how Alayna was doing. \u00a0She even came with me on one of my shoots not long-under two weeks after Alayna was born and we froze our butts off in Park City. \u00a0We also went to a movie (Iron Man 3) and had dinner together and a really great long talk in my car in the parking lot. \u00a0We would have many long good talks since. \u00a0I think the advice I would give to any adoptive mom is don’t give up. \u00a0It will get really hard. \u00a0My lowest point is when Lauren needed some space and didn’t want communication for a while. \u00a0I was worried she wouldn’t come back and I just couldn’t imagine her not in our life. \u00a0It killed me to not communicate with her, but I let her have her space to heal. \u00a0I think from months 2-4 were the hardest for us for sure with our relationship. \u00a0Emotions are high and so are hormones (I truly believe that it doesn’t take pregnancy to make a mom turn into a hormone crazy momma bear, haha). \u00a0I truly believe that it was partly because of those trials that made me feel like Alayna’s mom. \u00a0I 100% feel like it now and a lot of that has to do as well with Lauren giving me the support and kind words that I am Alayna’s mom. \u00a0So many adoptive moms have feelings of insecurity when it comes to their role as the child’s mom-I did for sure. \u00a0I am just so glad I am secure now with my role because I think it makes it so I can have a healthy relationship with Lauren as well. \u00a0We made it through I hope, the hardest part, and from here on out it is many happy days to come! \u00a0I love when Lauren and Matt come to visit. \u00a0It just feels like everyone is home \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I loved re-watching this video and seeing the newness of Alayna-her peeling skin, gray blue eyes and how little she was in my arms. \u00a0I spent many mornings just holding her and snuggling her-it was our bonding time. \u00a0I don’t regret that my house got neglected, I was in pj’s most days and I got behind on my work and am still catching up! \u00a0She was worth all of that time because now she doesn’t ever want to snuggle-except sometimes in the middle of the night or early in the morning when she wants to eat and goes back to sleep. \u00a0I sometimes just rock her for a few minute or so before putting her back in her bed because that is the only time she will let me snuggle her and just breathe in her baby goodness!
\n