{"id":4434,"date":"2013-10-26T08:30:35","date_gmt":"2013-10-26T15:30:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=4434"},"modified":"2013-10-27T15:52:08","modified_gmt":"2013-10-27T22:52:08","slug":"learning-through-trials-adoption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=4434","title":{"rendered":"Learning through trials {adoption}"},"content":{"rendered":"

So lately I have been typing up Lauren and I’s texts we sent each other so we could have them saved somewhere. \u00a0It has been so fun to remember what we first talked about before we actually met in person. \u00a0It was like any relationship when it first starts-a little awkward and questions about favorite things, childhood, stuff like that. \u00a0But what no one ever told me was how it would be to create a friendship with someone that you want to have their baby. \u00a0That is something no one can prepare you for. \u00a0You feel really guilty about everything you say, hoping it won’t be taken the wrong way. \u00a0You look over everything you send-making sure each word is spelled correctly, the grammar is correct, and you don’t sound like an idiot. \u00a0I am a pretty social person and I love to make new friends, so it was hard knowing that any birth mother that we had contact with may be thinking we were acting a certain way or saying things just to get her baby, and I hated that. \u00a0So I just decided I just had to be myself and become her friend no matter what the outcome. \u00a0I actually got to do this even before Lauren.<\/p>\n

Some people didn’t know we had another adoption situation that didn’t work out. \u00a0We were (ok really I was) in contact with her for four months only by email. \u00a0She lived out of state and there was just always something that felt off with that situation. \u00a0She wrote me an email the month she was due about how she had decided to parent. \u00a0I’ve never really shared this before because it really did hurt more than I thought it would in that situation. \u00a0I have a feeling it may help someone though, so I want to share. \u00a0This is the email I received:<\/p>\n

“After really thinking about this, I just cannot go through with it.\u00a0 I have talked with (father of the baby) who is not going to be able to help much, but I think that I can find a way to make things work out for us.\u00a0 I will have to get a job after she is born, and my mom will be available some to watch them, so that will help with daycare costs.\u00a0 This is not something I had before.\u00a0 I am not sure it will work out as I hope it will once she is born, but I think there is a chance it may, and even though I still think adoption is the best option, I just cannot do it.\u00a0 I hope you understand, and I hope you are not upset.\u00a0 I really feel just terrible about all of this, and I wish I had something different I could say.”<\/p>\n

This was my response:<\/p>\n

“Thank you for letting us know.\u00a0 How could we be mad at you?\u00a0 It is a choice I don’t think I could make myself, so I could never fault another mother for feeling like she couldn’t do it.\u00a0 Of course we are sad, but\u00a0we believe {and I just have to keep\u00a0believing}\u00a0that whatever baby is supposed to come to us, will come. \u00a0 We both wish you the best and will pray for you that things will go well for you and your family \ud83d\ude00\u00a0 I was totally serious about being here for you if you still needed us if you decided not to place with us.\u00a0 So if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.\u00a0 I don’t want to be pushy about staying in contact with us, but if you still want to, I would love to still hear from you.<\/p>\n

We really appreciate you even considering placing her with us. \u00a0 Here is a scripture I thought was good for right now: \u00a0John 14:27: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.\u00a0 Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Her response:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
“I am glad you understand.\u00a0 It was hard for me to tell you.\u00a0 I appreciate the kindness and understanding you have shown. You are free to stay in contact if you like. \u00a0I hope that you are having a nice weekend.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
After responding to her I broke down and cried….for a long time that night. \u00a0My heart was broken not only for our family, but for her. \u00a0I couldn’t imagine what she was going through and how hard it must have been for her to make that decision. \u00a0In adoption I feel like any decision will be hard in their own ways. \u00a0Little did I know that just eleven days later our caseworker would call us and say there was a couple that was interested in us and was trying to contact us and didn’t hear back from us. \u00a0I never did get that first email, but I am sure glad that Lauren and Matt didn’t give up on us! \u00a0 We started emailing at first, then lots of texting and met for the first time on December 6th. \u00a0(More on that later). \u00a0I feel like I had to go through that first experience to learn and grow from it so that when the right situation came along we would know it. \u00a0I also really did want to be friends and have a relationship with the first expectant mom that contacted us. \u00a0I really had such compassion and love for her, even though we had only had contact through emails. \u00a0My heart broke for her and the decision she had to make. \u00a0I still think about her sometimes and hope she and her daughters are doing well. \u00a0I never heard back from her after contacting her a couple of times later and didn’t want to overstep anything, so I stopped emailing her. \u00a0After she decided to parent, I realized that I could have a relationship and love this mother even if she didn’t place with us. \u00a0It was a hard learning experience, but one I am grateful for because it made me open my heart to Lauren and just want a real relationship with her, no matter what her final decision was.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Read more<\/div>\n
Family Ties {adoption}<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So lately I have been typing up Lauren and I’s texts we sent each other so we could have them saved somewhere. \u00a0It has been so fun to remember what we first talked about before we actually met in person. \u00a0It was like any relationship when it first starts-a little\u2026<\/p>\n

Continue reading<\/span><\/i><\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4436,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[554],"tags":[464,494,491,536,492,652,653,654,646,465],"class_list":["post-4434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-2","tag-adoption","tag-adoption-photography","tag-birth-mothers","tag-birthfather","tag-birthmoms","tag-expectant-mother","tag-failed-adoptions","tag-failed-placements","tag-lds-adoptions","tag-open-adoption"],"yoast_head":"\nLearning through trials {adoption} - Terra Cooper Wedding Photographer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=4434\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Learning through trials {adoption} - 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