{"id":3909,"date":"2013-05-02T08:53:16","date_gmt":"2013-05-02T15:53:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=3909"},"modified":"2013-05-02T16:08:16","modified_gmt":"2013-05-02T23:08:16","slug":"placement-of-alayna","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=3909","title":{"rendered":"Placement of Alayna"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thank you Brittany Cascio<\/a> for taking the pictures of this sacred moment. \u00a0I chose this song because it sounds like to me each beat is like a step hard to take. \u00a0That is exactly what this day felt like. \u00a0This is my side of our story. \u00a0I know Lauren has her own story.<\/p>\n

All I could think about that day was Lauren and the pain she was going through. \u00a0I wished so much I could take it away. \u00a0I wished so much that there was an easier way. \u00a0I thought a few times that I couldn’t do it. \u00a0How could I hurt one of my best friends? \u00a0(Rationally I knew it was not my fault that she was hurting, but it felt like it. \u00a0I know this was her choice. \u00a0But it didn’t make it any easier.) I was physically sick by the time we got to the hospital. \u00a0I hadn’t slept or ate much in the last three days. \u00a0Crying for three days also did a number on my body. \u00a0I received so much strength from friends and family that day. \u00a0Lauren’s sister in law sent me a message that helped me do this. \u00a0Here is just part of her beautiful message that I will cherish forever, ”\u00a0As you wrap Alayna in your family\u2019s arms, we will wrap Lauren in ours. All is right. All is well. You are a gift to all of us. Please remember that. Even as you mourn for Lauren, remember the gift you are. You are rare. You are precious. Thank you.”<\/p>\n

I started to have an anxiety attack while we were waiting in the waiting room for Lauren and Matt to come out. \u00a0It was never about worrying that they were going to sign papers, it was because she was going to sign the papers and I worried so much about her. \u00a0I just wanted the best so much for her and to be ok after. \u00a0The notary came out and told us they had both signed. \u00a0I sighed and started crying. \u00a0She said, “That is always a relief.” \u00a0I said, “I’m not crying because of that. \u00a0I can only imagine how much Lauren is hurting right now and that is all I can think about.”<\/p>\n

Some time later after Lauren had some alone time with Alayna she and Matt came out together with Alayna in her arms. \u00a0We looked at each other and she looked at me, then at Alayna, as if to say, “Take her.” \u00a0I couldn’t do it. \u00a0She looked down and at me two more times and I still couldn’t move. \u00a0She was stronger than me in that moment and said, “Here.” \u00a0I took Alayna into my arms and then Lauren into mine. \u00a0I couldn’t say anything except, “I love you.” \u00a0We talked about that moment last night and she said, “I noticed that and that showed me a lot about you in just that one moment.”<\/p>\n

I hugged her two more times before I let her go. \u00a0I hugged Matt and then broke down as they left. \u00a0After they left I had a sense of peace come over me. \u00a0I could breathe again. \u00a0It was surreal. \u00a0Here was the most precious and selfless gift anyone had ever given me. \u00a0Lauren has told me that knows she made the right decision for her. \u00a0She told me that when she saw me, and handed Alayna to me, she got the most peaceful feeling. \u00a0She said she knows I am meant to be the mommy who raises her. \u00a0That helps me be ok with it. \u00a0That helps me know that this was God’s plan and that he will help us all through this. \u00a0We both are taking it day by day, but in the end we will be ok-better than ok. \u00a0We are family forever now and this miracle little girl did that. \u00a0She has already changed so many people’s lives. \u00a0We love her so much and are so grateful to have her in our family. \u00a0I wrote to Lauren in a book I gave her, “Our family is complete. \u00a0Not only because of you, but because you<\/em> are in it.”<\/p>\n

 
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