{"id":3435,"date":"2012-12-26T20:47:42","date_gmt":"2012-12-27T03:47:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=3435"},"modified":"2013-05-02T16:11:28","modified_gmt":"2013-05-02T23:11:28","slug":"big-news-were-adopting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=3435","title":{"rendered":"Big News! We’re adopting!!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

We are\u00a0so very\u00a0excited to announce we will be adopting a baby girl in April!!!\u00a0 We are so thankful beyond words to the amazing parents who have chosen our family.\u00a0 We know that only God could have brought us together!\u00a0 A literal match made in heaven \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A few of my adoptive families\/birthparents and I wanted to share things you should and should not say to an adoptive family.\u00a0 We know that most people are unaware that these things can be hurtful, so hopefully this will bring some awareness to this subject that isn’t talked about very much.\u00a0 I also wanted to talk about birth mom’s and dad’s and what you should say and not say to them because we all love and respect our birthparents so much.\u00a0 Thanks to my friends that helped contribute to this post: Karen, Allison, Katie, Hannah, Robin, Kristina, Allison, Kathy, Jennifer, and Lauren.<\/p>\n

ADOPTIVE PARENTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

What you SHOULD say:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

*Congratulations!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*We are so happy for you!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*You are going to be amazing parents!<\/strong><\/p>\n

What you SHOULD NOT say:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

*How sure are you that it’s going to work out? So it’s 100%, right? <\/em><\/strong>\u00a0(We get this one the most and we know people don’t mean harm by it.\u00a0 Having said that, this is like asking someone that is pregnant how sure they are that their baby is going to live.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I was also told this week, “Well, now you just need to see if the baby even makes it.”)\u00a0 Adoptive parents already fear that placement may not happen, so you don’t need to bring it to our attention.\u00a0 Not all adoptions work out and not all pregnancies do either-but you don’t need to bring it up.<\/p>\n

*Why doesn’t she want her baby? I don’t know how anyone could give up their baby.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em>Every<\/span> situation is completely different.\u00a0 Having said that, all of the birthmothers that I have come across are the most unselfish, amazing women who want the VERY best for their child.\u00a0 Also, if it wasn’t for these amazing mothers, many families would be without children.<\/p>\n

*Now that you are adopting, you will get pregnant.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> <\/strong>While I have seen this actually happen, most of the time, it does not.\u00a0 It also implies that the adopted child isn’t as wanted as a biological child.\u00a0 Everyone’s situation is different and EVERY adopted child is loved and wanted.<\/p>\n

*Are you going to tell them they are adopted?\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> <\/strong>Adoption is an amazing thing that should not have a negative feeling to it.\u00a0 By hiding the fact that they are adopted, it is almost like you are ashamed of it.\u00a0 Most adoptions now are open adoptions which is best for everyone involved.<\/p>\n

*She (the birthmother) must be young, use drugs, etc.\u00a0<\/em> <\/strong>Not all birthmoms are young or use drugs.\u00a0\u00a0 Even the young ones or the ones who do have a drug problem are still trying to give their baby the best life possible.<\/p>\n

*Most people are curious about what race\/or country of origin\u00a0the baby will be.\u00a0 It’s ok to ask, but when you are told the answer, here is how NOT to respond:<\/strong><\/em> <\/strong>If the baby is the same race as the couple: “Well at least they will look like they belong.”\u00a0 While we know you don’t mean to be hurtful, just know we are happy with any race of baby that wants to join our family. If baby is a different race, “Well, aren’t you worried they won’t feel like they belong?”\u00a0 Adoption is so amazing because families are created with every race and most of all, created with love.<\/p>\n

*Good idea to adopt-now you don’t have to go through labor <\/em>OR\u00a0 Well you are taking the easy way out <\/em>OR Must be easy to just have to buy a baby.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/strong>Adoptive moms would love to go through labor.\u00a0 You don’t know their circumstance.\u00a0 Adoption is NOT easy.\u00a0 It is one of the hardest things emotionally, physically and mentally that you will ever do.\u00a0 And babies are NOT bought-the fees are paid to agencies, lawyers, etc.<\/p>\n

*Don’t you want kids of your own?\u00a0 Don’t you want REAL kids?\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> <\/strong>Adopted children are our OWN children.\u00a0 From Robin, “Yes, they are my REAL children, I leave my plastic ones at home.”<\/p>\n

*That baby is so lucky to have you\/ You are a saint to take in unwanted children.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em> <\/strong>Believe us, we are the lucky ones.\u00a0 And these children are very much wanted and loved.<\/p>\n

Keep in mind you can ask questions.\u00a0 We know people want to know about the story of how this baby is coming to our family.\u00a0 Just be sensitive and most of all BE EXCITED!!!<\/p>\n

BIRTHPARENTS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

What you SHOULD say to a birthparent:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

*That’s an amazing thing you are doing to help a family have a child.<\/strong><\/p>\n

*You are so strong.<\/strong><\/p>\n

*You are doing such an amazing, selfless thing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What you SHOULD NOT say to a birthparent:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

*You are selfish for not being willing to raise your baby\/You are just pawning off your kid and not taking responsibility. <\/strong>Birthparents are NOT selfish.\u00a0 They are thinking about the best interests of their baby and want the very best for them and are taking responsibility to make sure they are cared for.<\/p>\n

*You made a mistake and now you have to take care of it on your own.\u00a0 <\/strong>Calling a baby a mistake is never a nice thing to say.\u00a0 And telling a mother that now she has to take care of her mistake isn’t kind or right either.<\/p>\n

*I could NEVER give up my baby.<\/strong>\u00a0 Without these selfless mothers placing their children for adoption, many families would never have children.\u00a0 We are so thankful for these parents who do place their children in our homes, with our families.\u00a0 They will think about their baby every day-they do not give them up.\u00a0 They will never forget their babies.\u00a0 They will always love their babies.<\/p>\n

About Birthparents:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/strong>From Karen: “Birthparents love their babies.\u00a0\u00a0 There won’t be a day they won’t think about their child. She is the only other person on this earth who loves my son as much as I do. She is the only other one who understands what it means to be his mother. She is his mom in a way I never will be and vice versa. She is the ONLY person in the world who was willing to suffer hurt day in and day out for his well being. If anyone deserves to see thier son it is her, because she made a selfless\u00a0decision to do what was best for herself, her other kids and for him.”<\/em><\/p>\n

About Open Adoption:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Open Adoption<\/strong> can range from emails, pictures, letters, to visits at your home, coming to birthday parties, etc.\u00a0 Everyone’s situation is different.\u00a0 With open adoption the child can have more people to love them and be able to have open communication with their birthparents and get questions answered that they might have.<\/p>\n

This quote is from a birthmom on therhouse.com <\/a>that I love so much. “I think open adoption is special because it really is about the combined love of everyone involved coming together\u00a0 for one child. You have different people, coming together who often are\u00a0 different ages, maybe from different areas, and different walks of life, who try to put those thoughts aside and focus on what has brought them\u00a0 together; the shared love of one child.”<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>From Allison, an adoptive mom: “I wish people knew that kids would be more secure and better off if they knew their birth families. They wouldn’t wonder and yearn for what they don’t know. That I am mom and they love me, I take care of their hurts, physical and emotional. My kids trust and love me. But their birth moms are still mom in a way and I want to honor that. I can include them and it’s not a threat to me. The mothers are a blessing in my life and I can help to shape and guide a relationship to be the best for myself and our children. My children won’t be confused. They will know that their birth moms couldn’t take care of them and wanted them to be taken care of but love them and still want to share in their lives and achievements. I’m finding that as I’m willing to share and am not insecure about myself as mom, my kids birthmoms are gracious back and aren’t overstepping boundaries but so happy to be included as a part of our family. And they are to me, they have a place of honor in my life. I care deeply about them. My kids birthmoms are PEOPLE!! They have emotions and feelings too. <\/em>
\u00a0 My kids aren’t going to be warped or messed up because they know they have a birthmom that they know about too. My kids will accept them like other kids accept stepmoms. Not all situations are bad. They can be amazing and good if we try, best for us and the kids too. <\/em>
My kids will be secure in the fact that they have family and are loved, and their family isn’t small. It includes us, our extended family, and their birthfamilies..all of us wanting the best for them and loving them. We may have bumps along the way like all families, but there won’t be secrets (which imply shame or wrongness) to surprise them later. They will always know and be proud of how special they are and how much they mean to so many people!!!!”<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>Thank you everyone who helped contribute to this post!\u00a0 I hope that it has helped educate everyone more on the amazing thing that adoption is and how blessed we are on both sides from it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We are\u00a0so very\u00a0excited to announce we will be adopting a baby girl in April!!!\u00a0 We are so thankful beyond words to the amazing parents who have chosen our family.\u00a0 We know that only God could have brought us together!\u00a0 A literal match made in heaven \ud83d\ude00 A few of my\u2026<\/p>\n

Continue reading<\/span><\/i><\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3436,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[554,1],"tags":[464,465],"class_list":["post-3435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-2","category-uncategorized","tag-adoption","tag-open-adoption"],"yoast_head":"\nBig News! We're adopting!!! - Terra Cooper Wedding Photographer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/terracooper.com\/?p=3435\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Big News! 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